28 1 / 2012
OLE!
i really wish that we could have been what we used to be instead, no boundaries, just chat-mates. instead of how i am left feeling now. no kidding. this sucks. to think that you’ve revolve your life around someone, hoping it would last infinitely. rather, it stops abruptly.
i really wish for things to be different, but above all i really wish to be stronger for myself. i cannot change time, but it can change me. what i plead whole-heartedly right now is for it to change me as soon as possible.
i can not be mad for what has been done.i can not be mad at you for it was me who took you for granted in our earlier time together. but it is not true that i didn’t realize how precious you are when i had you. i can not be mad at you for all the things that you are doing now that hurts to the core of me. you are no longer mine, and perhaps you never were. this is my own illusion, that you still have feelings for me. i am going to make it go away, denying every sense of analysis, feelings and common sense that says the opposite. thinking of the pain, i really wish i had not let my guards down for you. but hey, it was worth the bliss apparently. we did things for each other which i will cherish up til my olden days, just to laugh it off and to think a happy thought: that i really did feel happy in my high school years. while i hope at that time we will still be able to be acquainted to each other. because aside of being a lover, you managed to become a friend dear to me. i don’t think i can afford to lose contact of a friend like you. because frankly, that’s just the thought that results to my tears falling now.
it maybe is okay for us to stay apart for a while, chances are: we’ll come back as friends, or else, as strangers. i pray so much for the former to happen.
there are 5 stages of grief. and it is said that one must undergo 17 months time in order to completely forget someone one loves. but i dare say, there are other types of people who are unable to forget someone dear to them for a longer time span and those who will never overcome their grief. i really prefer the latter type. but i can’t help wondering, what if i will fall into the second category?
ah but for now, i’ll just resolve to His Majesty, some reading lists, and some mommy-time :)
